I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize
