bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
