In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
