rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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