I only kidnapped one of them. chill
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
