break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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