yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
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