did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
