genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
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