he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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