My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
