I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Randomize
