I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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