She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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