@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
