i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
