Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
