the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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