he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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