Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
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