It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
