Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
