omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
