I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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