i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
