His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
