Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Randomize
