Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
