In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
If I die, sorry about rent.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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