We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
