she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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