the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
