Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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