Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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