I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
