I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I can't put those talents on a resume
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
