he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
