I am spending my child support on dildos
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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