Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
