If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
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