Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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