he wants to bone in the snuggie
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize