Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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