Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
