I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
