I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Can you bring me the toilet please
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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