You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
