my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
