Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
It's Friday. Sex?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
