I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
