Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
