A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
did i just pee glitter
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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