Your tits are I can't wait for
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
