Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
