Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
