Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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